Is love separateness?
It is quite hard to understand and be accepted from the first sound!
However, here is a great reflection of M. Scott Peck in the book: “The Road Less Travelled – The classic work on relationships, spiritual growth and life’s meaning. ” He addresses that “the major characteristic of genuine love is that the distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved. ” We need to respect and encourage this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved.” Unfortunately, we often failure to perceive and respect this separateness. As a result, this would cause much mantel illness and unnecessary suffering.
Let’s read this poem to gain more insights of how love is separateness in parents-children relationship:

“Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which
you cannot visit, not even in your dreams,
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life does not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
for even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

– Kahlil Gibran.

And how love is separateness in marriage relationship:

“But let their be spaces in your togetherness,
and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

– Kahlil Gibran.

Successful marriages cannot be built by people who are afraid of being alone and therefore rush into marriage seeking to merge with another person. True love not only acknowledges and values the uniqueness of each partner but actively encourages it, even if it means there’s a chance of separation or parting ways.

With love,

Little-pencil